The mournful eyes, the lingering stares, the sad sighs. Many pet parents leave the house each day with a dog or cat watching somberly from the window.
Social scientists have found that pet owners experience ongoing guilt about wanting to do better for their animals. Researchers have called it an understudied topic that needs to be better considered, particularly as more workers are called back into the office full-time.
Why Owners Feel Guilty About Leaving Their Pets
Psychologist Lori Kogan felt guilty about leaving her dogs alone during her long work days. She knew they looked forward to their walks, but frigid weather made her cut their outings short, which made her feel even more guilty.
“I felt guilty going out on the weekends or the evening, and the guilt was killing me,” says Kogan, a professor of clinical sciences at Colorado State University.
Kogan’s distress prompted a series of studies examining whether other dog owners felt guilt. In a 2022 study in Animals, Kogan and her research partners surveyed 592 pet owners in the U.S. who had their dog for at least six months.
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How Researchers Measure Guilt
In the survey, the team measured pet owners’ sense of guilt with questions like, ‘I feel guilty when I can’t afford higher-priced food’ or ‘I feel guilty when I do not take my dog to doggie daycare.’ The types of guilt were categorized into five factors related to time/attention, time away from home, leaving the pet alone, physical health, and furniture rules.
The study also measured the respondents' bond with their dogs, what they felt were attributes shared among ideal dog owners, and how they described themselves as pet parents.
In their assessment tools, the researchers used a scale intended for parents, replacing the word “child” with “pet.” Not surprisingly, they found that dog owners articulated similar guilt as parents did in studies about parenting guilt.
“We also find that this guilt is not related to other types of guilt,” Kogan says. “This is a different type of guilt. Being a guilty-prone person does not predict if you will feel guilty about your pet.”
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The Link Between Pet Guilt and Mental Health
Similar to parents who feel guilty, pet owners have emotional responses to their sense of failure. Almost half (42 percent) said they were just resigned to feeling guilty about their dog. Most (75 percent) said they tried to remind themselves their dog has a good life.
Others changed their behavior in response to their guilt. Forty percent admitted they reduced their socialization or recreation time in order to be with their dog; and 35 percent said they spent time with their dog at the “expense of other family members.”
The study found that having dog-related guilt was predictive of other mental health issues. “We found that it is related to depression and anxiety. The more guilt you feel, the worse you feel,” Kogan says.
As a psychologist, Kogan says this makes the isolating behaviors even more concerning. “If people are already feeling depressed and they reduce their social interactions, that’s a double whammy,” she says.
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Social media can make parental guilt — both human and animal — worse. Influencers post videos that depict themselves as ideal, which can make viewers feel as though they aren’t living up to the standard.
Watching reels of dogs surfing on the weekend, riding along on a boat, or competing on an agility course can make a pet parent feel inferior when their dog’s big Saturday plans are limited to a short walk and a nap on the couch.
Guilt from social media can manifest in compensatory behaviors. “I think that what drives a lot of this behavior in terms of buying special food or expensive toys,” Kogan says.
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Do Cat Owners Feel the Same Guilt as Dog Owners?
But do cat owners feel the same guilt? After all, cats are supposed to be independent. In a 2023 follow-up study in Human-Animal Interactions, Kogan and her research partners found that cat owners experience a similar level of guilt and that such guilt is indicative of anxiety and depression.
Kogan says that society’s expectations that cats don’t need people make it harder for cat people to decline invitations when they feel their kitty has been alone for too long.
“It’s one thing to be at work and say, ‘I need to go home because my dog has been home for 8 or 10 hours.’ Most people will understand. But if you say my cat? They won’t understand,” Kogan says.
Read More: The Truth About Cat People and Dog People
Coping with Pet Guilt
Kogan classifies the guilt that pet parents feel as “disenfranchised” because it is not well-recognized or well-studied. Pet parents feel responsible for the well-being of their animals, and work-life conflicts can limit the extent to which they can provide for their pets. The resulting guilt may be something that people deal with quietly, which can further their isolation.
Ideally, more workplaces would allow people to bring their pets to the office, Kogan says. If that’s not an option, occupying the dog with a dog walker or doggy daycare may help a person feel less guilty about their dog’s long day alone.
Talking about pet-parent guilt might also be helpful. Friends or family may be open to allowing a dog to attend a social event. At the least, they may start a dialogue in which others express an understanding.
“I want people to recognize they aren’t the only ones that feel like this,” Kogan says.
Read More: What Science Says About Why You're Stressed and How to Cope
Article Sources
Our writers at Discovermagazine.com use peer-reviewed studies and high-quality sources for our articles, and our editors review for scientific accuracy and editorial standards. Review the sources used below for this article:
Professor of clinical sciences at Colorado State University. Lori Kogan
Human-Animal Interactions. Cat owners’ disenfranchised guilt and its predictive value on owners’ depression and anxiety
Emilie Lucchesi has written for some of the country's largest newspapers, including The New York Times, Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Missouri and an MA from DePaul University. She also holds a Ph.D. in communication from the University of Illinois-Chicago with an emphasis on media framing, message construction and stigma communication. Emilie has authored three nonfiction books. Her third, A Light in the Dark: Surviving More Than Ted Bundy, releases October 3, 2023, from Chicago Review Press and is co-authored with survivor Kathy Kleiner Rubin.
Social Media's Impact on Pet Guilt