Nothing ages worse than the Facebook post you made 16 years ago. While those posts or photos may have been trendy or show how you were feeling at the time, more often than not, you’re likely going to cringe or even feel shame when revisiting the memory.
As it turns out, the twinge of shame from regretting a social media post is common. According to a 2015 YouGov survey, 57 percent of Americans report regret over a post or text they’ve made on social media, with 16 percent regretting a post as often as once a week. In a more recent study, researchers gathered data from nearly 7,000 adolescent school children in Ontario, Canada. They determined that heavy social media use, in general, was linked to lower self-esteem, and posting regret contributed to that lower self-esteem.
While these studies may be pointing to a more immediate form of regret — some of these cringe posts have been brewing over the course of more than a decade as you evolved and (hopefully) matured. Amelia Knott, a psychotherapist specializing in the mental health impacts of social media, notes that this type of shame is common, too.
“[You’re] looking back at it and realizing, ‘Oh my goodness, this is what I wanted to say loudly about myself in public? This is what I was proud of?’” says Knott.
Knott, who is the author of The Art of Thriving Online, recalls getting that same icky feeling from seeing pictures of herself at a yoga teacher training and no longer identifying as the highly spiritual, destined-for-the-full yoga-studio-experience person she once had.
“We don’t have the ability to evolve with the grace of privacy the way we once did,” she says.
Gary Small, chair of psychiatry at Hackensack University Medical Center, agrees, adding that the addictive properties of social media draw us in through our innate desires to relate with peers.
“The internet and social media really takes all these natural feelings we have about wanting to connect with others and be accepted and puts it on steroids,” says Small.
So Why Do We Cringe at Posts We Once Thought Were Cool?
Part of it comes from a lack of context surrounding the post. It’s possible we were posting in a way that was common at the time but now feels outdated. Social channels like Tumblr, for example, lean heavily into dramatic posts that may seem young and childish as you get older.
Fashion and hairstyles change as well. When we look back at old pictures, for example, we might grimace at the (now outdated) fashion, notes Small, but we were very likely just following the style of the day.
Then, the other piece of it is our maturity. We have more life experience under our belts now and likely have a better understanding of other people’s perspectives. “We see the folly of youth, and we say things like ‘Oh my goodness, that’s so immature, how could I have said that then?’” adds Small.
On the flip side, we can also experience shame from images and posts of ourselves when we were doing well and feel saddened when that is no longer our reality.
“It can be looking back with, I suppose, that homesickness for who we used to be,” says Knott.
Read More: Why the Sound of Your Voice Makes You Cringe
How Can We Avoid the Cringe Factor?
One option is to simply delete what no longer resonates with you.
“If you’re going to run for political office, someone is probably going to dig it up, but for the average person, try to bury things that make you uncomfortable,” says Small.
Or simply recognize that the posts existed from a different era and give yourself a little grace.
“Realize that this is human to change our values and what we find acceptable or comfortable or outrageous overtime and move on,” says Small. “And also keep in mind that people forget. To you, it might seem like a huge embarrassment, but for most people, it’s just going to be a little speed bump, they’ll notice it and move on.”
Read More: How To Stop Reliving Embarrassing Memories
That may not be too practical, given how ingrained social media is in our society. A lot of people rely on social media to keep their businesses afloat or to connect with friends and family across the globe, says Knott.
“For many of us, we have to sit in this complicated paradox of how to coexist with it,” she says. “It’s easier to step away from something that’s bad for us. It’s harder to find a way to collaborate with it and continually be in conversation with ourselves about when it’s harmful (and) when it’s helpful.”
Read More: What Is a Social Media Cleanse?
Article Sources
Our writers at Discovermagazine.com use peer-reviewed studies and high-quality sources for our articles, and our editors review for scientific accuracy and editorial standards. Review the sources used below for this article:
YouGov. Social media blunders cause more damage to important relationships today than two years ago
Canadian Journal of Public Health. Heavy social media use and posting regret are associated with lower self-esteem among middle and high school students
Psychotherapist specializing in the mental health impacts of social media. Amelia Knott
Chair of psychiatry at Hackensack University Medical Center. Gary Small
Social Media Addiction Adds to the Feeling